| Spam Me |
[07 Oct 2020|03:10am] |
spam me!
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[07 Oct 2020|02:26am] |
So I look to the sky, tell me why, tell me why,
Do they all get to live, and I have to die( ? )
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| Entry 005; Viewable to: PRIVATE |
[21 Dec 2010|10:26pm] |
I lied, Lara. There are just things I can tell you that I can't tell anyone else.
Everything in my life changed so quickly over the last couple of weeks, and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm trying to decide if I should toss out my Memphis badge. It's not like I'm a cop anymore, and I'll never be again.
I'm part of the AVL now. I know, I know, I remember the conversation we had about never working with them no matter the circumstances, back when I suggested we ask them to help with Thomas. But things are different now. The world knows about vampires and the AVL now, they're not some secret organization.
Ezra's daughter is involved with Dracula, and Shannon is staying near her because of it, which puts them both in danger. Any time I try to point out that it's Dracula they both remind me that I have my own set of fangs.
But I'm not like Dracula, am I?
Lately, I've started to wonder. I gave up my career for a woman who left me twice, I've alienated our children from me by never saying the right thing, I gave the woman I'm in love with my blood to heal her from an anti-vampire attack my presence no doubt encouraged, and I basically sold out to the AVL so that I wouldn't spend the rest of my life behind bars for that first woman I mentioned.
I just don't know who I am anymore. You'd be so disappointed in me.
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| Entry 004; Viewable to: PRIVATE |
[20 Nov 2010|07:20pm] |
This is the last time I'm going to write to you, Lara. Our kids have grown up so much. You would have done a much better job with them, I'm sure, but somehow they still survived. So I guess it's time to move on.
I want to go back to that day and do things differently, to go in alone and let you and Shannon stay back to help Thomas, but there's no going back. My fatal mistake cost your life and mine, and broke our kids. Shannon will be alright, but Thomas? Well, there's no saving him and that's mostly my fault.
I'm going to do what I can to fix this. I'm sorry I ruined things for all of us.
Also, I think I really could fall in love with her. Please forgive me for that.
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| Entry 003; Viewable to: PRIVATE |
[14 Nov 2010|12:09pm] |
I keep making things worse, Lara. I'm not good at this, and I wish you were here because right now Shannon really needs her mother. She and I used to talk about stuff like this, hell she used to tell me everything she wouldn't tell you, but now I feel like I can't reach her.
I went against everything I believe in to protect our son the other night. I asked a monster for help, asked her to teach him what she knows so that he won't get caught. It's hypocritical as a police officer to say that it's different because he's my son, but Thomas has been through a lot. He doesn't need anymore hell in his life.
I'm going to regret it. I'm not a very good father these days.
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| Entry 002; Viewable to: PRIVATE |
[09 Nov 2010|05:54pm] |
I've met someone, Lara. You'd like her--the two of you are a lot alike. She's a damn good mother, just like you were, and she's a strong woman. I don't know, I feel like I've been flitting around the last few years trying to find something permanent. I think she might be it. I guess we'll see.
The kids are doing better than I ever expected they would, but life hasn't been easy on them lately, and I wish you were here for them. You were always much better at all of this than I am.
Shannon's vampire boyfriend had to be put down after going after a local teenage girl. I feel so damn bad about it, because she really needed someone, but there was nothing else that could be done--according to the official report. I don't know how to fix this for her, and it bothers me.
And Thomas? Well he knows I'm here now. He didn't take it too well--shot me a few times, thanks to his sister's excellent training--but I think he's getting over it. He's so much like you sometimes. He was more worried that I'd left Shannon to take care of him alone than that I'd lied to him. He gets that selfless craziness from you. Hopefully he'll be there for her about the whole vampire boyfriend thing.
Work around here is never boring. For a small town, tons of shit happens, and you wouldn't believe the kinds of monsters that exist here. Or maybe you would.
I had a dream about you the other night. Was that really you, or was my mind just sending me random images? Jesus, I'm pathetic.
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| Entry 001; Viewable to: PRIVATE |
[23 Oct 2010|05:53am] |
They grow up so fast, Lara.
Shan kicks more ass now than we ever thought she'd be able to. I don't think she realizes how proud of her I am. She's survived a lot, taken care of her brother, and still somehow has a good head on her shoulders. I don't really approve of her current boyfriend, but it would by hypocritical to tell her she can't date him, and she's an adult now anyway.
Thomas is still crazy as a shithouse rat, but he's somehow found a girl who can put up with his weirdness. As far as I know, he's quit killing. For now.
Neither of them really need me anymore, but I can't help wanting to be a part of their lives. So I transferred to this small town, took a demotion, and am now a Deputy in the middle of nowhere. It's the kind of small town we talked about moving to someday.
God, Lara, I miss you on nights like this.
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